saradi

I wrote a huge entry about every class and if I liked it or not, but that was pointless. Today sucked. It was the first day of my last year and I pretty much hated it.

The only good thing so far is the Senior cafeteria. During lunch, though, there was a fire alarm. Stoooopit people think they're funny. I know I sound super pessimistic but seriously! Almost all of my classes sucked. The only one I like so far is English because Servio and Sunny is in the class, and Mr. Pando is mad hot. I need to switch out of two classes (Spanish and Psychology) and I'll be a lot better.

I found my Nikon this morning! Hull ya. That was pretty sick, I somehow lost it mooonths ago and it appeared when I was getting ready! Besides that, though, Senior year seems pretty whack attack. I seriously can't waiiitttt for college. The few things I'm looking forward to this year:

- Photography Course
- Kicking peoples ass' in Senior Studio
- Senior Cruise
- I guess all the dances? (Homecoming, Winterball, Prom)
- GRADUATIOOONNNN then my ass is out.

Oh, and I finally got that phone call today. I'm so proud that I didn't call back.

Haha, I keep on saying I'm going to stop. Maybe I will stop once I stop saying that I'll stop, you know?

It feels kind of weird, actually being there and seeing it. In my mind I knew everything, but it's a whole different perspective once I'm right there, too. Perspective is eleven letters.

"Hello?"
"Hey! How have you been?"
"Good, but uh, I'm at a friends house so can I call you back?"
"Yeah, sounds good."

That was on Wednesday and today is Saturday. This November it would be three years. Three years, and I still think about the guy. I don't get how he wants to "start things all over", when he can't even return a phone call. I have the absolute worst luck with this subject. That would be 1, 095 days. I think I should have been in Boston.

I feel like I'm being swallowed by the ocean lately, and it's not too pretty.

New hallways, new floors, new stairs, new Guidance, and new Julia Street! Pretty sewpt. Today's my last Wednesday of summer. I always get excited for the first day back because new classes, new people.

Yesterday I went to lunch with the Kong family. They way Matthew devours his burgers is beyond me. I haven't had much of an appetite, so Jeffrey finished my sandwich, and Nathan ate some fries and grapes, haha. The boys went school shopping while I watched Nathan while he was playing with his Optimus Prime.

Tonight I'm going to see Delirium, which is a featured presentation at the Warwick theater tonight. It's a Cirque du Soleil show. It's going to be sick even if it's played on a screen and not in person. Cirque du Soleil is one of my favorite things ever. The first one I saw was O, and I think it'll always be my favorite.

Yesterday Korn slept over and it was really fun. Dave ordered a pizza but the place was closing and still made it for us, which was pretty nice. Even though I didn't want any pizza, I still somehow was the one to go inside and retrieve it. I'm so easily persuaded sometimes. We watched the Olympics and also Anthony Bourdain when he visited Spain. Next week he's going to be in Egypt and he gets stuck on the Nile river! Ah!

I don't know why I delete entries hours after writing them.

Turns out I may not be going to Cambodia/Thailand in December, and I'll only be going there this summer...blaahh. I miss my dad so much, but my sister misses him to an even higher extent, so she may go visit him alone this winter. I mean it'll be good for them but like, what the hell, just leave my ass here in coldass Rhode Island? Whaaatever.

My dad's going to be here to see me graduate and I finally got the courage to ask my mom about Greece yesterday and she said yes! I'll be going there alone. Well, with some other kids from school who want to go I guess but basically on my own because I have no clue who else is going. When I'm there, my dad will hopefully stay here until I get back from Greece and then the four of us will fly to Cambodia aka my homelaanndd I miss it so much. We'll be going to Thailand for half the trip and maybe even Seoul, Korea because my sister is freakishly obsessed with Korean music.

I cannot wait until this school year is over, and it hasn't even started. HA!

Yesterday was a great day. I went to Jamie Miller's house for a party, and it was just really cute, if that makes any sense. There was a moon bounce because her little sister's party was a few days before and they rented it and it was fun but I felt nauseas. Her mom had a lot of food and snacks but for some reason I didn't eat anything! I don't know why I don't like to eat in front of people...I need to get over that. I haven't been eating much in general, I need to get on that too. I just sleep a lot or occupy myself with stuff that keeps me too busy to do anything else. Anyways, back to the party. It was really fun. Jenna aka my baby was there, and I finally met Antonio! He is so fabulous. Last night Richard and I kept on talking about how great he is, haha. I met some other soon-to-be Juniors, and they were real nice. A lot of soon-to-be Seniors were there. Some I've never met, but they were really nice and welcoming, like Sean Lindia. Caitlin was there and it was good to see her and actually talk for a bit! Shaun was there and at first it seemed a tad awk, but then the two of us talked the majority of the time. Just catching up on stuff, telling each other about our lives now, and it was just really nice. I missed that kid a lot. I hope we have at least one class together this year! Jamie's pool was soo nice, but I had to go to a wedding about two hours after I arrived, so I couldn't get my hair wet or anything. Ohhh wellz.

The wedding was really great. Hahaha, before it though, I realized I still had Shaun's car keys in my bag so he had to come to the wedding to retrieve them, haha.  But chya, it was at Rhodes, where we have our Winterball, but decorated differently and it was so sweet. Chan, Korn's brother, was getting married to Nicole, his high school sweetheart. They've been together since high school up until obviously now, and so that's been about 9 years. Gahhh haha so long, and now they're finally married. I'm so happy for them! They're so cute, and they're going to make THE MOST beautiful wasian babies ever.


Goodbyezzz

Today was a really good day so far. I woke up, got ready, took off paint that was all over me from last night. I stayed up until like, 2:30 or so just talking to the men while finishing my Buddha painting. I finished that around 2am or so, and I think it came out pretty well. If I take a photo of it with the flash on you can see every single brush stroke and it looks like shit, but I took a few and I might post them later. Anyways, I got up and got ready and went to school. NO ONE WAS THERE. Jaykay there were, but it was like...6 of us or something. Me, Mags, Yosuke, Carlton, Jamie, and Tyler. I just sat there and talked to Maggie and then around 12 I called Richard and he told me that him and the boys were waiting outside for me, so I told Sorenson I had to leave.

Theeeen I met them in front of the Gym and this girl Wendy was there too, and she's super soft-spoken but she seems really sweet. Plus, she likes American Idol so she's totally kewl in my book. So we went to Spikes but it was like super wicked packed so I went to Subway with Wendy and then the boys brought over Spikes to Subway and we had lunchypoo. I just ate some Doritos and sippied on a Coke. After a long while of talking about.......who knows what, we went and hung out under a big ass tree that Michael was determined to climb. Like he wouldn't give up on trying to climb it, but Conor and Richard got up there like mad easily. But Richard was afraid to get down! Hahaha, that was hilar. I took a lot of pictures but then Mo took the camera away and he took a few that came out pretty cool! I'd post them here but I'm layyyzeee.

I saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 yesterday. It was really good, four stars mang! I cried twice, haha. Buutttt the movie kept on stopping and it was off center so we couldn't see their heads! Buttt then the screen went blank and the lights went on but finally they fixed it. I kinda wanted a refund, or at least an apology. Hahaha everyone was yelling about it, it was kinda funny. Tonight I'm going to get some burgers with Kayla before her ass leaves to Chicago. :( MMMKAY gewdbai

I was just watching a two hour long episode of America's Got Talent with my mom, and we were just sitting on her bed talking and laughing and every time there was a commercial break, there would be two commercials that kept on playing over and over again. Either it was the one about the Beijing Olympics on 8-8-08, or about this man who lived in Central Falls and was walking home from work yesterday, and he got brutally beaten to death. I can't even...imagine how fucked up someone can be to do that to a man just innocently walking home from work, doing his normal day-to-day routine. I can't deal with this.

About fifteen minutes or so later, I get a text from my friend Cindy saying "Dude! I heard that girl Janessa died..." When I read the text I dropped my phone and was so aghast. Janessa sat next to me in Computer class this year. We weren't friends but you could hear her voice a mile away...it was so distinct. Some days I couldn't stand her, she was mean at times, but most of the time even if you couldn't stand her, you couldn't help but laugh because she was so funny. She had really great skin and such shiny black hair. For a chick, she had the biggest collection of sneakers I have ever seen. Not saying girls can't have mad sneakers, but I know guys with more. Why the fuck am I talking about sneakers when this girl is dead. She had a blood clot in her brain and she died. I can't believe it. I can't even attempt to fathom how her family and friends must feel. And I, someone who was never her friend but sat next to her day after day, I started crying a few minutes after I found out. I don't care if I don't know them at all, but I prayed for her family to be as stable as possible in this time of tragedy. This realization, this wake up call that someone I really care for can be gone any second has hit so hard. I am so sorry.

I really do...it's k.

On a brighter note, I made cupcakes today. If only I ate dessert!

Tomorrow's my last day at Summer School, thank the lord. I'm broke because I buy too many clothes and shooz and I owe my sister $106.00, so I'm going back to my old job. Please visit me at work :( I love the Wickenden area though, it's so nice and chill and there's an art supply shop down from the restaurant so I can get supplies whenever I run out. Here's this weeks agenda of things to do, places to go:

Tomorrow: Take my final exam and leave the hallways of Cranston East until the beginning of school. Then go to Boston to celebrate :)

Wednesday: Drop by the PALS meeting and then see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2!!! I don't care, I think it looks so fab.

Thursday: Senior Studio art class meeting...blegh.

Friday: Probably starting work or going to the Mesa Cafe with Richard which is completely overdue.

Saturday: Chan (Korn's brother)'s wedding! I love weddings!

"Listen. I know it's hard to believe people when they say I know how you feel, but I actually know how you feel. You see...I was seeing someone back in London and we work for the same newspaper. And then I found out he was also seeing this other girl, Sarah, from the Circulation Department on the 19th floor. It turned out that he wasn't in love with me like I thought. What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you've joined or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wondering what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell in that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, how ever long "all that" may be, you'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people who make you feel worth while again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade." 

- Kate Winslet as Iris in The Holiday.

The stupidass video won't cooperate with me sooo here it is in link form. I hope it works! Hahaha my sister has the ugliest laugh. I've been listening to a lot of Amy Kuney..she's real good! She kind of sounds like Jenny Lewis, whom I love. Today I stayed home all day and I don't mind it at all. I went to school and we had a quiz which I got a 70 on which is good since I didn't study at all. Then I read more of The Good Earth. I love re-reading books, especially after a long time.

My sister and my mom came and picked me up and I got honked at while crossing the street and I was like me? getting hit on? but it was obviously Jess Jusayan, hahaha. Then we got some azn cuisine and my mom brought us home and Dave was real tired so she took a nap. I was 'surfing' the net, and then zzZzzZZZzzz, vibrate.

Todd was calling me and I thought he dialed the wrong number! We've been friends ever since Kindergarten but we haven't talked in a while so I was like "huhhhh?" but yeah. So he called and it was ridiculous. He just told me everything that happened and I almost started crying! The tone in his voice was so dismal that I just...sat there and kept on saying "uh huh" because I didn't know what to say! I was full of rage on how she could do that to him. I hate seeing good people get hurt.

Gahhh. Then after about a half our or so, he said he had to go to work and I just sat there baffled. I was online for a tad looking at the photos I took from the show, and then I remembered I bought The Holiday about a week ago, so I decided to snuggle up and watch it in my mom's room. Her bed is the comfiest bed in za verld. After about 20 minutes or so into the movie, I ended up shutting it off and taking a nap. It was from 2-6, and it was so gooodd. I love naps.

I've had a good couple of days. In a nutshell:

I've been working on my research paper and catching up on Shear Genius. I looove that show, it's so freaking good. Yesterday I went to a local show and the only band I liked was Sideshow, durrrr. I tried to stay for the other set but it was just..not delicious. First me and Dave picked up Kayla and I haven't seen her ass since the last day of finals! So I hugged her about ten thousand times and we all danced in the car to Korean music and then we went to pick up Korn and her cousin Paul from Texas. He's visiting because her brother is getting married in a little over a week. I'm sooo excited, I love weddings, haha. Holy crap my hair smells real good. Whaaa subject change haha but I just sniffed those ebony strands of deliciousness, haha. Okay yeah anyways, we got McDonald's because I was hungry and the fries were new but not too new that they were covered in oil, and perfectly salted...they were so good. Then we drove to The Living Room in Prov and I hung out with those four for the whole night pretty much, but then Richard came to say hey and I really missed him! Then Mike came and then Matt did and we were all just full of hugs, haha. Their set was good although I was in front of the speakers to take photos so I kinda sorta wicked went deaf for a while.

We ended up seeing Stepbrothers, and it was a pretty good movie. Not like "HAHAHA" funny, but it was like, "hahaha" funny. You know? Actually I was mainly like, "haha" funny, because I was real tired and annoyed that once I get home I'd have to finish my research paper. I saw Will Ferrell's balls. It looked real but he held it out way too far so you could tell it was fake. "Mom...I really thought he was going to rape me..." hahaha that was probably the funniest part in the movie. Then we dropped Kayla off and Paul told us how he has a FOB Asian accent, and I was like SAY SOMETHING! Ugh I should have uploaded the video. I'll probably come back and add it to this entry, because it was sooo funny haha. He's so good. Then we dropped those two off. Holy damn this is a longass entry. I don't even know why I'm continuing! Oh well here I go. So I got home and talked to Richard and Mike and Darin until Richard went to sleep, and then Darin wen to sleep, so I talked to Mike while doing my research paper. It was like, a sick heart to heart. He's such a good kid. Then around 4am I finished that bad boy. Today when I handed it in, my teacher said "Have a nice summer, kid" and I was like, "That's it? I don't have to finish until next week?" "Nope!" so I skipped out of the classroom real merrily after I gave Mr. Pando some major dapz and then I went to my art classroom and we had a Senior Studio meeting. She's talking to art schools in Boston and Connecticut and one from New York to have a representative come into our classroom and talk to us about their school, and I really need to ask her to think about asking someone from Temple to come and talk to the class. Then Dave picked my ass up and we met Korn and Paul and his little brother Justin who's 6 years old for some lunch. It was real good.

That wasn't really a nutshell at all, haha.

I'm wearing a yellow shirt with a little black dress ontop. I look like a bumble bee. BzzzZzzZzzzzzzzzz. My sister cooked dinner yesterday and it was soooo good. Mad props to her. Haha, sheez the best. Korn's here and she showed up this morning with boxers on. That chick kinda lives here haha. In a tiddy-tad I think we're going to pick up Oginga and paint the town red! It'll be a good time, I miss his Jamaican ass. HAHAHA I just went into the kitchen because Korn was looking real mischevious (11 letters) and she was holding my brownie from 7-11 aka my favorite morsel of goodness in the world and I shrieked and tackled Korn and they got in on video to show the world how angry I get over food, hahahahaha.

This brownie is so effing good. What's notttt good, though, is some shat going on in the past couple of days. Blaaahh, I'm not going to talk about it on here. I think I may be seeing Stepbrothers today. I hope it's not funny but tries too hard to be funny so then it's not funny..you know? Sometimes I think no one understands my azz. Mmmm it's kay. I miss Cambo and my dad. He's the best, and he always smells the same and I like it a lot. I miss the airport and its warm colors and I miss my house and my roooom. I miss the food and the markets and the really bad dirt roads. Oyyyyyyyy I miss Thailand too. Mmmmm the bread and the good-to-go waffles. I'm not even a breakfast person! Oh welllsies. I'll be there in like..3? months! :)

Nothing else is new. I've been going to 7-11 non-stop for brownies and taquitos and Arnold Palmer's. Oh oh oh oh!!!! I only have one more week of summer school! Hellllzz effing ya. I get to sleep into the wee hours of the afternoon again! :) Ahhhhhh. I forgot to mention Darin didn't come. Again. Haha one more time and I'm kicking his azz to the curb. Jkjkjkjk. I can't wait until 2011 bb!

I hope my horoscope isn't chroo.




dk'fhglsdd'f;dgk

I'm kinda trippin right now. This time last year, my best friend's dad passed away. Not this time exactly, because it was around midnight or 12:30 a.m. I remember every single thing about that night. Tom and I were talking on the phone because I was home alone and scared so he kept me company, and I was watching "Giada's Weekend Getaways" on the Food Network. We were talking for a really long time, and then his phone died so he called me on his house phone from his beach house, and then somehow he hung up on me by accident so I called back, and then his dad ended up picking up and since it was late he was asleep and I felt really bad for waking him up, and he was like, "Tommy, she can't call his number" and then it sounded as if Mr. Fiorio was snoring so we were laughing at how he fell back asleep so quickly, and then Tom said "I have to go, I'm going to shut off the phone (because he didn't hang up) and then I'll call you right back" and I said "K."

Then, Tom didn't call back for about another half hour and he was screaming and crying hysterically saying that his dad had a heart attack, and that's why he made that noise on the phone. I was silent. I had no clue what to say. I just started crying and crying and then Tom said that his aunt was there to bring him to the hospital since the ambulance can only bring another person and his grandma went in it, and so I said "K." again and I didn't sleep all night, I just stared at my phone waiting for him to call. Finally, around 1:30 a.m, he called me and told me that his dad died and that he had to go but he needed to tell me. Then I told him I loved him and that was it.

It's so crazy what can happen in a year. Now Tom hates me. Loathes, even. I don't really even know what I did, but we just had such a hatred towards each other. I don't hate him now or anything, that was just an automatic reaction, but we're not friends...at all. I accept how people change and how I've changed and how friendships end, but I just really wish we could be friends, just for a few hours, so I can just talk to him about this and then everything can go back to normal. We can go our separate ways again. I just feel terrible because him and his family are probably going through really tough times at this time of year. I've had a lot of best friends throughout my life, and I've obviously had some great times with each and every one of them, but I've never felt so close to a friend until I was at Mr. Fiorio's wake. Tom looked so sharp in his suit, and he wore his dad's gold chain. I was the first friend of his to arrive and he ran out of the room and hugged me and we just cried and cried and in that moment, I knew I've never been so close to any other friend before. I feel as if it isn't in my place to write about all of this, especially since him and I never ever speak anymore, but I can't just keep it inside. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I heard his dad's last words, and I was mentioned in them. ME. I don't think I'm worthy to have been mentioned in his last words..it was all just coincidence, or maybe it was fate. Maybe Tom hanging up on me by accident was really for a reason. Imagine I didn't call back, and his dad had a heart attack and no one would have known? I don't know, I need to stop writing about this.

It's just reeeally nutso how much things can change in a year. This is depressing. I need to get my mind off of this...fhj;gfdkgfkdg. OH YEAH! Darin's coming tomorrow, hellzz yuh. I miss my bb!

edit;

i lied. we got a new monitor, haha.


i'm not gonna be online for a while, i think. it's okaayyy just kind of annoying not even having the option of it.
i've been working on one of my summer projects, it's coming out pretty sick nasty not gonna lie.

not much has been going on. i saw wanted yesterday and it sucked. i was hugging korn the whole time haha. it was sooo bloody. i went to falega's party the other day. it was alright, i missed everyone so it was good. i'd post up photos but ohhh yeeeaahhh my motherboard is friiied. whatever. my friend got stabbed 5 inches deep during a drug deal. yeah, pretty fucking ridic.

i ran into mike, matt, and gabe yesterday at the mall. biggest awkward turtle of my life. summer school tomorrow again.....yippeee. it kinda makes me wanna die. but whatever. my head hurts, i need to eat something. i'm like straight up famished, but we're having a cookout today so this hunger will be over within a few hours. after that, me and korn are going to spiker's volleyball game because it's her birthday today. and it's falega's real birthday.

ahhh man i can't wait til dpa comes, it'll be a brief but good change to my boringass life, haha. i love losing weight

Darin took forever "setting up his flashes" aka singing to Carly Simon so I got bored and decided to Google myself, and I found a few articles about me and my art work! Pretty damn kewl. Haha there was a picture also buuut I won't make your eyes bleed. Today was an alright day. I went to school then Oginga picked me up and we sat under a tree and talked and it was really nice out. Then I went to my mom's eye doctor place thing and she set me up an appointment because my spectacles are basically ruined. Then I went home and I've been here since! Nothing's been going on. I know who prank called me though. She's blonde..hahaha. They think they're so smoothe and clever, I love it. My mom and sister aren't home (Dave =  URI, my mom =  Donna Summers concert???) so I just hung around alone all night. Oh!! And I took a polaroid to send to Noo Jerz. :))) haha. Here's the article that no one will read! Hahaha. Btw they spelled Sunny wrong. Erggg.

Cranston East Student Wins Congressional Art Competition

(Warwick, R.I.) - Congressman Jim Langevin (D-RI) announced Saradi Sarin as the winner of his eighth annual Artistic Discovery Competition on Sunday. Sarin is a junior at Cranston High School East.

“This is an excellent opportunity to highlight Rhode Island’s future artists,” said Langevin. “I always look forward to this annual competition to meet some of our most promising and talented high school students.” The winning submission, judged by New Urban Arts in Providence, was a pencil drawing entitled, “Sonny”.

An Artistic Discovery is the annual Congressional High School Art Competition. Every year members of Congress conduct local art competitions. The winning piece of art from each state is displayed as part of the national exhibit in the Cannon Tunnel, a pedestrian walkway leading to the U. S. Capitol. Since the competition was first launched in 1982, nearly 5,000 local contests have been conducted that have involved more than 650,000 high school students.

This year’s 21 entries were from Warwick, Cranston, Coventry, Scituate, Exeter/West Greenwich, Foster, Glocester, Johnston and North Kingstown. 

Founded in 1997, New Urban Arts serves 125 high school students in the Providence public high schools and 15 artists each year. They have been named one of fifty premiere arts and youth development programs in the country for four consecutive years, according to their website.

“While it is important that we focus on subjects like math and science, it is equally important that we do not neglect what the arts have to teach and offer,” continued Langevin.

Sarin will fly along with two others compliments of Southwest Airlines to Washington, D.C., this June for the unveiling of her artwork at the U.S. Capitol. Sarin will also receive a scholarship to the Savannah College of Art and Design.

it's 7:03 a.m. and i still have not slept.

mike and i decided to pull an all-nighter but he crashed at 5:40 a.m. or so, and the approximate deadline for an all-nighter is like 5:30ish, so i'm proud. he told me scary stories and i talked about dorito's. it was a grand ol' time. i uploaded some sideshow photos and he liked them which is good. i hope the other guys like them also.

today i'm going to boston
today i'm going to ask darin to touch his camera. maybe.
today i'm not going to sleep
today, there will be three pictures.
today i'm going to drink only water
today i'll finally call tim back
today i'm not going to give a fuck

haha das my motto errydayy. i need to find my book and finish it. i have to also work out my summer art projects. i took a perfect photo for my hair-drawing piece. my arms are a lot skinnier..i am so happy. everything is going well, and the new season of no reservations is premiering monday night at 10 p.m. holy damn i am excited.
now it's 7:09 a.m...aaah

hello hello.

finally i have returned. this entry is probably going to be mad short, although it should be mad long because so much stuff has happened in the past week or so that Amara has been here. every day has been packed with eventful things. from literally almost dying at the beach, to massive manhunt, to hiding behind statues of Jesus with Andrew, and everything else in between. i haven't been online at all because Amara's staying with me for her whole stay and i don't want to be rude chatting until the wee nights of the morning.

okay so here are some really brief updates. obviously the show last night was a very good time. the first band...eghh..sorry. i didn't dig them. shaun wasn't as horrible as i thought he'd be, and the beats by the other men were awesome. tuttle is the man. chris penta is soo cute. richard is my fav. dylan has nice bone structure. and ben tucker would make a good marc jacobs model. but yeah. the other band like where the dude climbed on the ceiling, that was pretty sicknasty. if he fell that would've sucked. the screamo guy was pretty cute, but his nose bridge was odd. then...dun dun dun! sideshow comes on, wooo!

it was really nice seeing all the men again. i haven't seen richard or mo since the last day of finals :( i saw gabe once but that was for like 5 seconds when i went to his house to say hi then left, haha. it was a great set, they all did sooo well. matt had gabe's bandana on, and gabe wore mine haha. then richard wore matt's, it was all so cute. i got some sickass shots of them, but it was reeeally hard trying to photograph matt, because he's so far back. richard too, because i was on the right and he was on the left, and Mac Farrands was in the way. or maybe that was mo's mac? oh well. haha i said "go mo" when it was mad silent which made him laugh which was pretty cool. i went there with amara and andrew and met up with sonita and her cousin mari who i called fairy. conor and i talked a lot too, which was fun. gabe showed me where their band signed like some brick thing? and idk, it was good seeing him. i went to dunkin donuts with his mom and colleen ended up introducing me to richard's mom, and they're both really awesome. i went to dunkin donuts for nothing, though, because they didn't have like normal gatorade flavors :( all in all, it was a good night. even though things should change, nothing has.

i've been sooo busy lately. so busy. last night i slept at 5 am. it was the most intense conversation i've ever had in my life. idk it was kind of too much to listen to, but i had to..obviously. it was just like, i couldn't even believe it. idk.

it's scary, what might happen. like not about the conversation last night, but in my life as of right now. whatevs, happy things.

i met Darin today, and he's like a family friend and seems like a really cool guy. we all played manhunt at andrew's house. and capture the flag, and sardines, and hide and go seek. i HATTTEEE being the seeker. darin and alex were ontop of the house, and andrew was in a window like 20 feet up. hahaha they're such cheaters, but it was a good time. i'm gonna go, i have a weird feeling in my stomach

beach yesterday

beach today

show tonight

i'm excited :)

sup. it's 1:38 am and i'm back in rhode island. short ass trip, but it was one hell of a trip as well. it was just a sickass time. i've been there before, but i was about 10 or so, so it wasn't all that great to me. i got THE sickest barack obama t-shirt..he's so damn goodlooking. i got mad free stuff..artist discovery 2008 t-shirt..mad books and cds and stuff. free food that i did not eat. i haven't been eating at all lately, it's getting really bad but i don't care. i ate some really good cantaloupe though. i met a girl from texas, her name's martha. she's mexican and fucking awesome man. her piece was awesome. a self portrait, huge, and prisma colored pencils. i loved it. they hung mine up the wrong way...assholes. but they fixed it, so i take that back. all the winners from each state in the country had to take photos in front of the white house and there was some other girl from texas to my left, who was soooooo so pretty. she had a southern twang, but it didn't sound bad at all. it was like a texas sandwich, with martha on my right, haha. there were some mad hotties..with mad artistic talent. i only talked to martha, though.

the trip was all around really great. i met up with the congressman and it was just such a pleasure meeting him again. my tour guide's name was christopher, and he was mad funny. actually..he was just awkward, which made him funny. the pieces were...incredible. some large, some small. that's what she said. the mediums varied from oil to charcoal to ink to acrylics to a mixed media in general. the oil ones were just amazing. i haaaate using oil, so i want to look into it and try to figure it out. i'm actually painting a piece right now, but with acrylics. holy shit, there was this one piece..it was a self portrait of the artist herself and it like, freaked me out it was so good. the medium was oil. but there was another one, done in graphite and some colored pencil of john lennon and gandhi. honestly, it was so captivating. eleven letters. washington was great...different from everywhere else i've traveled to, but great. not as homey as cambodia, not as busy as vegas, not as PDA-y as canada, not as tourist-y as florida, not as cute as tokyo, not as amazing as thailand, not as humid as malaysia, and not as clean as singapore. but it's a new favorite! :)

today is Anthony Bourdain's birthday. not anymore, but i will always love him.

it's 2:39 am and i'm talking to mike about forming a street crew who wears matching outfits. HUZZAH!

Hahahahahaahahhaa. I just watched The Death List, part I & II. Now  Mike is sending me the trailer for The Richard Farrands Movie, hahaha mad dramatic. Watching those reminded me of when I filmed Dave, Korn, and Dana's Afircan-American history project..hahaha that was soooo funny. Abdul and Slick Charlie will always live on.

Sooo not much is going on. Actually mad shit is going on..like my cousin Jeremy got into a car accident this morning and his car got completely TOTALED. He's my age, and like uggghh he's such a trouble maker..and HE smashed into the other car so it's going to be mad rough. I feel bad for his parentals mannn but I hope he's okay too, obviously. I think I'm going to visit him in the hospital later on today or tomorrow.

Yayyayayzzaaa my mom just called me telling me she bought me two bigass canvas'. I'm probably going to take a summer course at RISD from the end of July to the middle of August or so, and I'm very excited for that. It'll give me something to do and it'll really help me progress. I'm excited for Senior Studio..and like even though I don't really like most of the people in my class, I'm going to find my iPod and just occupy myself with that. Like I don't care if I sit alone, because I'm just going to focus on my pieces and hopefully make the sickest ones in the class. Not that it's a competition or anything at all, but it's just such a great feeling when you complete a piece and are truly and genuinely happy with the outcome.

I can't wait to start my summer projects, and I'm actually going to probably start one today. I actually don't think I will be starting, because I like drawing and painting from photos and I haven't taken any that pertain to our summer criteria. I have to register for summer school tomorrow, and then tomorrow is the day before I leave for Washington! :) It's pretty crazy that my drawing won #1 in the state..compared to the others I really would have never thought it'd win, but I am so glad that it did. It was better than just winning the trip to DC and to get it hung near the White House for a year and the scholarship, because it like..just gave me so much more confidence in my art.

Gahhhhhhh I'm so soupt and happy right now, and I can't wait until my first project is complete. I think I'm going to start with the Jacks one,  or the large object one, because those are like a breeze and a half. The one I'm most excited for and the one that's going to be the most difficult is definitely the hair one. I want to take theee perfect picture for that one. AAAAAGH I'm excited. I can't wait until school starts, because then I'll be done with these pieces and I can just start over with school and shit. Like if I had anything to say, I wouldn't say it online, and that's a huge reason why I can't wait for school, to confront people face to face and show them that I have me some nadz. :) Bahhh my maja is here, I need to buy some graphite powder. Goodbyyeee world

So......I didn't end up getting my permit. I got about 3-4 hours of sleep after talking to Mo and Cherd. Sigh, haha. Like it felt as if I had just gotten into bed and then my mom started shaking me telling me to wake up..it was so terrible. And in the end, I didn't even get it, because I guess I lost my Birth Certificate. Aghh I need to drive to Holyoke to get a new one..goddamnit. My hometown is like the straight up projects...yeah I'm so hoooooooodddd. But! At the DMV I saw Amber and she told me she passed:) and her hair was curly and I LOVEEEE it when her hair is curly! It looks so so good. Then I hugged her and said hey to her maja and then I saw her take her picture haha and I sat there forever for nothing. Siiigh, oh well.

Then I went to TJ Maxx and then we went to pick up Dave from URI and I didn't eat yet so we went to eat and I got THEEEEE best buffalo wings ever. Eveveveverr. And the fries were delicious, too! Oh my god I also got an ice cream cone and I usually don't even like ice cream, but it was sooooo good...ugh. So good. Now I'm home..blaah. Tonight I'm just going to watch Camp Rock. The Jonas Brothers movie :)))) I only like the youngest brother, not their music or anything. He is sooo cute! I think me and Dave are going to go cruising and meet up with Korn tonighttt..fun fun I hope. There's a circus! Like...in front of Warick Mall! It's humungo jumbo..I really want to go. I'm leaving for Washington in likee..three? days! And then Amara is coming and I'll be with her for the next 10 daysss yayyayy :) I want her to meet Gabe and Richard and Mike and Matt too if he wants.

TOMORROW IS PRIDE PARADE! Hahaha I loveeee going to pride. Drag queens scare my sister but hopefully I'll convince her to go with me :)

Hahahaha, that's what my little cousin told me today when me and my mom went out to dinner with him and his fams tonight. It was a good time. The food was aaaight but it was just cool because we haven't seen them in so long. My mom and her best friend (they're like, distantly related) are a lot alike. She had three sons, and my mom had two daughters. Before Nathan, the little one, it'd always be me and Dave and Jeffrey and Matthew. Jeffrey is a year older than me, and him and Dave are the same age, and Matthew and I are the same age. Haha why the F am I going on about this still. It was a good time.

Tonight was my guaranteed night that I was going to be able to hang out with a friend or two. Spiker had a softball game, Emma and Lily are M.I.A., Richard had the Pawsox game, and Gabe was free! I thought it'd be awkward to call him and ask to hang out but he was like totally down, buuuuuut him and Matt had already made plans. He's seen Matt like everyday this summer, so he said it was no big deal. His mom has work tomorrow, so she didn't want to pick him up late and I had to go out to dinner, so things didn't work out. :( It's alright though, maybe it's a sign that we just need more time. That was a good rhyme. Again! Haha.

Tomorrow morning I to be dressed, ready, and out of the house by 9 am. NINE. AY-EMM. Haha why do I think I'm so funny? Well yeah..I need to get my permit. Honestly everyone drives and shit so I don't care if I get my license or not at this point. But whaatevs. I'm going to look like mad angry in my permit picture, hahaha. Or maybe I'll make myself have a lazy-eye, or flare my nostrils and look mad gross. Haha it's no big deal to me. BAAH my eyelashes look so delicious today, not gonna lie man. Tomorrow I think I'm crashing some chick Ashley's party and I'll leave when it gets stale. This weekend we're going to hang out with Dana which is super wicked mad longgg overdue. Ugh I love Danezy, she's so great. BAAHH a few days and then I'm flying to Washington on Wednesday to see my drawwwinngg, and then Amara's arriving the following day! :)))))

It's like, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? Haha, ugh. The ridiculous-ness of it all just kinda makes me laugh. Like, it's so complicated now... more so than ever before. I can't wait until June 20th, 2009. Haha, to see how this all turns out.

I really want some pasta right now. I'm just craving The Cheesecake Factory sooo badly. I'm going tomorrow when we pick Dave up from URI. Woo hooo. Oh lawddyyy I wish Dave kept her laptop here. Hahaha :((((( Ughhhhhhh F my life I'm so down for that. Sigh.

Hahaha these thoughts in my mind need to cease! Okay so this summer is like a week in I guess. I haven't done much at all. This Saturday we're going to try to get all the girlies together to go to the beach, which sounds pretty fun. If I get any more than I think I will die. Just kidding, but I'm going to bring like a humungo hat. Okay so I'm talking to my cousin Amara and she's my favorite person like, ever, and she's coming in about 9 days! I'm SOOOOO excited, I haven't seen her in 3 years! Haha F COLORADO! I can't wait for her mom's cooking..oh how I've missed it.
Her younger brother Alex..the last time I remember him was when he was just a soccer loving little kid and I talked to him on the phone the other day, and he sounded like a freaking man!!! It was awesome/weird as hell, haha. I bet you he's a looker now. Boys always look better as they grow, but chicks don't. Like Paul Rudd..when he was on Friends he looked like doofus, but in Knocked Up he was soooo bangable. God he is so sexy.

I am eating Smartfood popcorn, talking to Richard, drinking an Iced Tea, and not watching the Celtics game. About 7 people's away messages are talking about that game, haha. I eat popcorn so weirdly. Sometimes I don't care and just put it in my mouth, that's what she said, but most of the time I eat the little thingys that come off of the main piece of the popcorn and then eat like, the round ball thing last. I think I'm going to go, this entry is 100% pointless.

yep.

i finished drivers ed today, thank god. so it turns out that the kid that looked like edmund from narnia...his name is EDWARD! hahaha, it was really funny when i heard his name being called. mr. aubin brought us half of a cake and 1/4 of a bag of tortilla chips. how...sweet? haha, just kidding. he's a good guy. after drivers ed me and emma walked to her house and i bought some dorito's from sam's. the cashier stared at me for so long, and was taping an egg carton. it was so, so creepy.

so i was thinking, and like, what the fuck am i doing? why do i make these awful decisions? why do i do the shit that i do? why am i so blunt and honest? i guess that's good, but it also can scare people away. i don't give a shit if i don't have as many friends as i did last year or the year before, it's made me who i am today. i'm stronger, although it may not seem like it. i don't take anyone's shit, and no one even says shit to my face, so it's really amusing. people laughing at me, whispering shit when i walk into a classroom. it's like, cmon now, do something, you know? that's why i don't like cranston east. it's the same faces every day, and i'm most of those faces aren't my real friends. i don't even think i can count my real friends on a hand, but i like it that way. this summer i'm not going to go to the beach with tons of people and post pictures up with peace signs. this summer i'm not going to get wasted and stumble around providence or wherever thinking i'm cool. i don't care if people do that, i really am indifferent about it, but that's just not really me.

this summer i'm going to finish the mural in my room and i'm going to do a lot of reading. and i'm going to talk to friends. i think mainly one person, though, who's awesome. i couldn't ask for a better friend. i kind of wish this summer were already over in a way. yeah the school work sucks and shit but school gives me something to do, as much as i hate it. i don't know. i'm nervous for my sister to leave for 6 weeks. it's going to be just my mom and i. i love my mom so much, and i have a lot of fun with her, but my sister is the glue to our family. she just makes everything right, and i'm afraid that now that she's gone, my mom will feel as if something's wrong.

nothing's wrong, though. just me.

I'm listening to The Veronicas..they're so gorg and they have a great sense of style. I don't want to sound all into myself but a lot of people have been talking about Senior Superlatives for next year, and they all said I'd win Best Dressed, which is pretty cool. Hahaha I'm wearing a head-wrap right now, and I love it. I look like mad..ethnic. Hawttt. I'd want Servio to win with me, he's like a really good friend of mine now, it's pretty awesome. He's just a good kid, and he's just mad real and I like that. Today has been a pretty eventful day.

I found out I'm taking summer school, f my life. Then I took my Spanish final and I said goodbye to a lot of people. I hugged Ms. Noiseux forever, haha. She was so great, and I feel terrible that my class was so bad. Then I met up with some cool kids in front of the school. Matthew had sex with a tree..kinda kinky. BUT NOT. Hahaha. I saw Kung Fu Panda with my mom..it was good but we both fell asleep, haha. My sister is at URI for the night. I do not want to sleep alone in this room, but my mom's a butthead and likes her privacy. Sigh, oh well.

I had Driver's Ed and then I went to Warwaccck Mall with my mom to return stuff. Then I had pizza. Then my mom had a coffee coolata. Now I am home and using my sister's laptop because it's super wicked cute and delicious. I can't wait till she comes home tomorrow, it was weird without her here. She's like, for sureee leaving for 6 weeks (minus weekends) on Sunday. I hope she likes it there, and I hope she's happy. This goddamn laptop is going to give me scoliosis.

I feel bad for being a crappy girlfriend. He's so good to me and he told me straight up that I'm not in the slightest bit a bad girlfriend, but I don't know. Hopefully we can hang out soon and things will go back to normal before I became all weird and distant and crap. I think we're going to go to the beach sometime soonsies. I don't know if I'll go into the wa-wa, but I'm definitely going to take mad pictures. I need to get my new camera, thank God I bought insurance this time! Ugh, why is my life so boring?

Hello hello. My dad left yesterday morning. It's really weighing hard on my sister, I hate seeing her cry. But I bought her two pairs of reeeally beautiful earrings for her graduation gift. Not much has been going on.

I miss my dad, but I miss him everyday. I hate the night before he leaves. Suitcases everywhere,  scales to measure the suitcases, and mad hugs. I ate dinner with my dad and sister on the kitchen floor yesterday. It was pretty delicious, but the company was better. Those ten days really did fly by. I'll see you in a year.

I wish today were better, man. I got told some shatty newz and it really bums me out. I'll move on though, I always do. Today I took my Anatomy and Math finals, they were such a breeze. Then my sister picked me up and then we drove to Friendly's. Our waitress was named Peaches. Cuteass name, not so cute lady. No offense >_<

Like two days ago I hung out with Sonita and Dalin. All we did was eat and walk around and take pictures for a million hours. I got an omelette, and it was MAD GOOD. I usually hate breakfast foods. Then we went back to school, and then I saw Gabe for a split second, and then we hung out with Josh Barnes, and then we went to my Art classroom. Sonita and I helped Tylarv and Joe paint some of the room, but then I stepped in paint with my basically new moccasins, and that really annoyed me so I stopped. Ms. Sorenson gave us popsicles and mine was delicious, but the freezer-burn kind of made my tongue hurt.

I'd post up pictures but no one even reads this haha. I think i still will in a bit though. After two more hours, Junior year will be completed. I cannot wait until I'm a Senior with a new schedule, new classes, and new friends.

Peace the fffff out, Junior year!

i'm a terrible person
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person 
i'm a terrible person

this weekend:

friday- cookout at lily's, then lasergate. i wish richard and mo could've came but they had no rides. :(
saturday- i watched my sister graduate. i cried like a madman.
today- went shopping in massachusetts. bought some delicious clothes. went to will hooper's uncles house for lily's surprise party?

i need me some crazy vanilla ice cream

is such a good band.

Nothing new has happened. My sister confided in me today while I was in school so it was through texts. Those are two things she never does: text, and confide. I almost cried after reading some of these texts..her friends are just really inconsiderate and oblivious. I really hope she has a great time tonight at Prom. She looked really great, she got a sickass Calvin Klein dress..so delish. Korn looked really good too. Today's been a weird day.

First off, I picked out a pair of orange shorts and my FREAK shirt to wear, and I woke up and it was mad dark and damp outside! So that was kind of annoying but I just grabbed my pink jeans instead. They're more of a raspberry -salmon, but you know what I mean. But yeah. I don't know. Anatomy was just me, Mrs. Kampper and two other chicks that I don't talk to. My whole class was all Seniors besides us three. Then History class..I just kind of sat there and signed Ryan & Carlton's yearbooks. Computer class..Gabe came then left then I took my final. English..I'm failing so I just sit there and space off. I had lunch with Richard Matthew and Andrew. I need to buy Paramore tickettsss before they sell out! It'll be for Andrews birthday/mad funnzzies :)

My Senior pictures are supposed to be tomorrow, but I am most definitely rescheduling them because I want it to be around the end of summer or so when my hair was long like last year before I chopped it all off. I cut it like ten more times before that, so that's why my hair takes so long to grow now. Karma? Mebez. I'm drinking a coke right now, delish. I got a picture sent to my house from Congressmen Langevin..woo hoo. He wrote me a letter saying I should persue Art in the future and that my talent is rare..idk it was just really nice.

June 8th- Lily & Mo's birthday
June 10th- My dad's leaving :(((
June 13th- Cindy's birthday
June 15th- Dave's leaving for TD :'(
June 20th- A year until Greece hahaha
June 25th- ANTHONY BOURDAIN'S BIRTHDAY!!!!
(and I'll be leaving for Washington to see my drawing!)
June 26th- Amara's arriving from Coloradoooo :)

Gahhh..after Finals I am going to seriously cry of joy.

i got dropped off at school and that song was on the radio and it was in my head ALL day. i've been singing that and colors of the effing wind all day, hahaha. i found the inner pocahontas in me. no but really, the lyrics to colors of the wind are like mad deep. mad.

what the fuck is going on? i just want to sit in a hammock!

my head hurts so bad lately. i over think things too much. why the fuck am i listening to miley cyrus on repeat?!?!?! this song is so catchy!

i reeeeeally wish i could just say everything that's going on in my mind right now. i feel like i want to pull my hair out sometimes. i know that's really dramatic, but like, i really do sometimes. mostly because i just don't know what to do. i just want some lamb on a beach, man.

siiiiiigh.

My dad's here!!!!!! God, I am so happy. The arrivals at T.F. Green like, changed, so Dave and I were totally sitting in the old arrival place and we were waiting and I was like shaking. Like my leg couldn't stop moving, and then all of a sudden I felt a vibration and my mom was calling me saying that my dad was downstairs with her. After that, I ran down the escalator and I saw him hugging my mom and then he looked up and saw me and yelled my name and I like flew down that shit and ran and hugged him, haha. It was the first time in my life that I've cried out of joy. This probably sounds really cheesy but I don't care, it was like, fucking beautiful haha. The first time I saw him in over a year and a half..I am so happy. Hahaha, today he was like begging for a bagel because they don't have any in Cambodia. He always smells exactly the same, I love it.

Prom was on Friday! I was really nervous driving to Gabe's house. His mom is soooo saaweeet! We took pictures then had to go to Emma's because everyone was waiting for us. More pictures, then off to Kirkbrae. It was suuuch a nice place, I loved it. Gabe's a delishuz dancer, haha. Amber's dress came out magnificent :) Her boobs could give Dolly Parton a run for her money! Haha I'm such a creep. Okay so yeah I'll talk about some key points. Weeellll Gabe and I are now official..WOO-HOOOO haha I'm really happy. The dance floor was bloodddaayy..haha i was the first one to notice it and Lindsay was straight up shrieking in my eeear! But yeah so the balconies were so nice, I loved them. The salad was soo effing good. Later on we went to Waterfire because no one really had an after party or if there was I didn't like the people there hahaha. So yeahh it was fun and cute and nice and stuff. I got home around 1:30-2a.m. and thennn totally crashed.

Life is good, man. School is ending this week and then shitty Finals that I'm going to totally bullshit, then I'm off to Washington and then my cousin Amara's going to be here :)))

KAYYY so I should log out of this ish because my entries are boring and it's making my computer slowish because I have ten million other windows opened. Bye!

there's two things i need:

1. a good cry
2. a punching bag.

i am seriously so angry, all the time. like i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me anymore. no shit i'm happy and stuff like i laugh and smile all the time but at the end of the day or even random times during the day when everything is fine, like, in my head though; i just think of really shitty things that are happening in my life/that have happened and it just fucking sucks man.

like i feel terrible for doing this, but i can't help it. like, i literally can't help it. if i could wake up one day and just be done with how i feel about this whole mess, i would. not that i don't love it, but everything would be so much easier. not even this, but shit at home sucks. like my sister and i really do fight all the time, every day. she doesn't even care who's around anymore. like it's always in front of korn and i feel terrible because she doesn't deserve to go over someone's house and be surrounded by yelling and screaming. the other day she flipped out on me in front of oginga! it's just not right, and it's really embarrassing. i know my sister love me, like, no shit, but she really has so much anger towards me that's built up. but built up from what, something that happened three years ago? seriously, like, move on. plain and simple

god i am so angry. i need someone to talk to but then again i don't feel as if i should be voicing out any of this. i need to let out some emotions, man. i'm either going to have a melt down or punch the shit out of something.

Hahaha, Michael and I just decided to go to an aquarium one day. I love aquariums. They're just so..fun and awesome. I remember one time, it was in 3rd grade I'm pretty sure, and we went to Mystic Aquarium. I wore a swooshy pink jacket, hahaha. I totally remember. God, I was always a fashionista I guess. Haha, keeeding :-p

Memorial Day makes me kind of sad. Actually like really sad. I don't know. My g-ma passed away on Memorial Day but it was during third grade! Just like the year of Mystic Aquarium! But yeah, so this Wednesday I'm going to try to go to temple since I slept in today when I was supposed to go. I feel really bad because I haven't gone in so long, but my mom goes mega early and I sleep in sooo late. But maybe afterschool I can go or something.

This week is going to flllyyy by. Tomorrow is G day, so easy. I love G days. Then Wednesday is A day..eww..the Seniors' last day of school! Damnit Korn works on Wednesdays but we'll prolly go out to celebrate afterwards. Thursday, B day..no English, hallelujah! Then Friday come in until 11, and then get dismissed to get ready for Prom! :) I love my dress so muuucch. Gahh I'm very excited. I just don't know who's driving yet.

I hate Drivers Ed so much. I don't do my homework and I bet you I'm going to be penalized for it. I'm just done with school in general. I'm trying not to go to summer school but it's going to happen. That, or night school. I hope not..it's like at some randomass place in Prov and it just doesn't sound appetizing.

I gotta go, I want me some food. I should weigh myself before I eat haha

I didn't like my last entry, so I deleted it. I don't know why, haha.

It's like 1:45 a.m. and I'm talking to someone about heights.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, haha.

I'm listening to Coldplay, I love this song.

Soooooooooooo not much is up! The seniors have three more days of school left. The school is going to be a lot less crowded. I just wish my sister and Korn weren't leaving. Gahhhh I need to get over that, it needs to happen. I got dissss.

So tonight was the Talent Show! It went really well. I stayed up late last night editing and resizing so many pictures for Mr. Wallace, but his ass was asleep when I sent them so they didn't use any. Which was really fucking annoying, but whaaatever. I think a lot of people did really well. My favorites were Susan Chakmakian, Sideshow, Meredith, and the "My Guy" song, because I think I have a crush on Mr. Barr. Goddamnit that man is good looking. I love Susan's voice..she should be in Broadway shows or something. Mr. C is soooo amazing when he plays the piano. Sideshow, haha a bunch of fine ass men, and Meredith is my cute little singing kangaroo.

Tomorrow I might go to the movies with these beautiful men and women, but I don't know for sure. I really want to see Narnia, but I've never hung with everyone sooo maybe I'll sacrifice Prince Caspian, haha. He's such a hot ass. This week has been kind of a mumble jumble. I started Drivers Ed on Tuesday, and it sucks. At least Emma and I sit next to each other!

I'm very happy right now..like everything is going pretty darn great, minus my school work. I finished dissecting a pig fetus. We had a contest on who has the longest intestines, and this girl was like "MISS! MISSSSSS! YO I GOT LIKE 41 INCHES DAMN OUR PIG IS THE SHIT WE WON, WE WON! HOLLAAAAA" and she was so obnoxious and annoying. If it was the longest, everyone on your group would get 100 on a test, and my pig was 110 INCHES! Hahhaha, my god. I felt so proud dangling those intestines. The rest of the day was aaiight. I wanted to die in detention today, he kept me for so much longer than I needed to. Then I hung with Gabe for like not long at all, and then I went to Drivers Ed. Blahh.

Let's hope this weekend is better! :)

Oginga is SUCH a sweet kid. He just told me he brought me some cake yesterday, but he didn't see me in school, and everyone already ate it. Haha, dang it! I shouldn't have been absent. Jay-kay, I don't even like cake at all..but it's totally the thought that counts.

So yesterday was a not-so-very-good day, but today was a very good one. Weird? Yes! I'll tell you about it, don't fall asleep. I know my entries are mad boring.

I stayed home today. Yesterday I had lunch with Andrew and his cute little Freshman friends. That kid Dave Marzilliziizzii was there, too. He kept on telling me to go to the Palladium show on Saturday, but there are various reasons why I'm not going to. I sat across from this kid named Chai. Like the drink, but in big-boy-Asian-form. Hahaha. Then, there was some kid next to me and he kept on telling me how much he loves Asians and how he was born in Syria and I thought that was soooo cool. Then, I was like, "Wait I don't even know your name!" and I shook his hand and said "I'm Saradi!" and he was all like, "I'm Sidar Zaza".

IT WAS LIKE WHEN ROBERT DOWNEY JR. WAS LIKE, "I AM IRON MAN." I've been wanting to meet this Sidar Zaza for like a month now. In computer class, Mr. Ruscito uses names from his grade book and I think his name is so cute/cool. It was like destiny.

I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. I can never hang out with people which makes me want to die jaykay life is too good to die, but you know what I mean. The only people I want to hang out with are guys..and they are the people I'm not allowed to hang with. Hmmph. I wish some friends lived closer to me. Actually, I just wish I lived in my old house again. At least I'd have Andrew and the lemonade stand.

This kid Dan who's a Sophomore is in my sister's Art class and I guess he's friends with Gabe. I personally have no clue who he is, but this Dan character told Dave that me and Gabe are going to Prom together...I am sooo dreading when she walks into the front door. It's either going to be like, "Bella. I don't care if you go with him, but you just should have told me and mom first." OR "BELLA WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GO WITH SOMEONE AND NOT TELL ME? I'M GOING TO TELL MOM AND SHE'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN GOING TO LET YOU GO TO PROM IN GENERAL BECAUSE OF THIS. GOD WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LIE?"

....and then I just sit there and take all the bullshit that's coming out of her mouth. If I ever say anything, it only gets worse. My god. It's seriously not a fucking crime to go to a dance with your friend who's not the same gender as you.

fugg mii lyfeeeee

my sister's the only person who can really make me feel better. even when she's the person who put me in such a terrible mood in the first place. it's ridiculous!

my mom is cooking and i know it's going to be an orgasm on the taste buds. i think i'm going to pierce my lip after my dad leaves. i'm getting to see him for 9 days, which is going to fly by. it's better than nothing, though.

gabe's back! thank za lawd. i felt bad when he told me about Robert and the boys going on the bus and the mud and all of that. i think i'd be a terrible scout. tomorrow is practice i guess, and he's going to play boho rhap while i sing. hopefully he knows how to play it..:-\ today's his first day of work, so he's going to be busy, so i'm going to bring my old lame music just in case.

this was the first time i've cried in a while. i think that's why it happened..probably because i just really needed to let some emotion out. i'm seriously like a robot. tomorrow should be better. art first aka sit there and do nothing, and anatomy lunch period. i just sit there and talk to my sister. and then after school is the practice.

food is done, baaii!

so COME OOOOOOOOOON

yeah so death cab was last night. i only saw a few people i knew. like, kevin and jeannine and mike h. and talia and jordan. i wanted to say hi to them but they were far and me and lily are really lazy. we moved around about 2 or three times, but in general, it was a really good show. i took some really sick pictures with lily's camera (because mine is still lost..ugh) and they played a lot of really great songs. i think i'll always love their old stuff the best, but their new songs are really good. i wish gabe could've came. haha, ughhhh, why does his boyscouting ass have to be on a friggen like hike in guam. either way it was mad fun, but honestly, i think they played better when i saw them last year, but this show was still really sick.

after the show, me and lily went to wickenden but then the good places were starting to close and so we went to target, hahaha. she's so weird. but i bought some sickass shoes for like, $9.50. they're so hot, i love them. and then we drove around and then she came over my house. we watched some of Bad Boys II because korn and dave were watching that, and then we watched some show called "Donut Paradise". i hate donuts, but it made me want one so badly. then she left and then korn left and then i went to sleep.

today i want to hang out with emma, because i miss her ass like craaaazy..but i don't know. my progress report fucking sucked man. the only classes i ever get anything good in, is art and computers. i'm terrified my cum. in english will be an F-. i don't give a shit if it's an F, because at least i can take summer school, but if it's an F-, i'm pretty sure i'd have to stay back? and if i had to stay at east for an extra year, seriously, i don't know what i'd do. i'd rather go to charter school or aep or some shit than stay another year. djfgdjgh i need to think of something to get myself out of this terrible situation. it's not even me, though. like i'm not fucking stupid, it's mr. ruggiero. he's the worst teacher ever. and not like he's mean and gives us mad work, he's the worst teacher ever because he does not know how to teach, and he grades one test like 13 times. so instead of one F, i get 13. i fucking hate that guy so much

i'm going to ask him to prom. i'm really nervous yet toootally excited because if he says yes, which i'm (hopefully) sure he will, it'll be such a good time! and not gonna lie, but, my dress. is so. kick ass. :)))))

my god, i love eisley so much. they've been my favorite band for years and years, and right now i'm listening to "my lovely" and it's probably my favorite song by them. that, or "the winter song". just kidding i like every song they have. minus "tree tops". i don't know why, i can't get into that one. my cousin saw them live last week. i guess that's a plus side to living in colorado :( i am so so so SO jealous of her. GAAAHHH that's like my dream. gkhj'gdkh

death cab show tomorrow night, hell yeah! lily has soccer until about 5, and then we're going to go out to eat and then to american apparel because she's never been, and then i guess we'll be heading to the show. i'm verrry excited. the down side? i lost my camera a week ago, and i still cannot find it. HOW CAN I LOSE IT IN MY HOUSE, AND NOT FIND IT? my god, i am so pissed off. i have my camera with me at all times..i feel incomplete without it :( ugh, i need to go on a massive hunt for it tonight or i'll be really upset. i hope they play some old stuff. yayyyyy i am so happy, haha. they're amazing live

sooo me and gabe are talking a lot more. he's such a good kid, but there's always something else going on in the back of my mind. tim flipped out on me yesterday, haha. i was talking to him online while on the phone with gabe, and he was so mad when i told him. i felt bad for him, in a way. like, who gets that angry over a simple phone conversation? he's so different, and it's kind of scary.

today is justin's birthday. i said happy birthday to him even though i really did not want to. haha, i really do see right through people. OH MY GOD I AM SO STARVING. all i had today was a tiny dinky little bag of chex mix, and some water. i feel like i'm going to die. my mom's making rice right now, but it takes at least 15 minutes to get it to the state where i like my rice. too dry, that's just gross. too sticky, it tastes japanese. not saying that's bad, but i just don't like my rice sticking to the roof of my mouth and stuff. fdljhfjjlghdghdg

i am famished.

hahaha, that was really funny

it is beautiful outside. ew, beautiful is such a romantic word. okay so...i made it into the follies thing..but desiree jones made it in, so i shouldn't be all that happy. like almost everyone who auditioned made it, so i'm not really that excited anymore. i mean i am because it's going to be fun and cool and stuff, but i don't know. and it said TBA next to my name, so they probably want me to change my song..which is fine, but it's just kind of annoying because i've been practicing that one for a long time now

oh wellz. my weekend went pretty darn well. i forgot what i did friday. just kidding i just remembered. hung out with korn and dave, and then saturday we did the same thing. my sister is seriously such a good cook, kudos to her for that. and then yesterday me and gabe hung out! i was really nervous at first...like, it was bad, haha. my hands were shaking, hahaha. but he said he was nervous too, but it ended up being so much fun. we saw made of honor because it was the closest time, and i didn't mind seeing it again..but yeah it was a lotttt of fun. and he smells good

do, do you, got a first-aid kid handy? god that song has been stuck in my head all freaking day. woo, four more days until death cab. in their video for I Will Posess Your Heart, it takes place at Angkor Wat! well some scenes. it's so awesome and makes me want to go back to cambodia. i can't believe we're not going this summer. my prime minister is a dictator, end of story.

i am so thirsty. i want to change my stud into a hoop, but when gabe and i went to look for some piercings, they didn't have any! my nose probably hasn't completely healed anyways, so it's probably a sign. i want to hang out with cara boyd. i miss that son of a gun

yesterday was pretty freaking awesome.

school itself was such a drag. i hate art class so much now. the last project (minus our summer assignments) of my junior year is basically a scrap book. i totally like scrap booking, but c'mon, for our last project? like seriously..i don't know. i really like mine so far but it just..i don't know. it annoys me. i was in the newspaper with Langevin..haha, i look kind of stupid but oh well. my hair looked nice.

so yesterday was the second audition for follies, and i auditioned. i can't believe i did it. i'm such a scaredy-cat to sing in front of people. my voice shook at the end, but besides that, i think it went really well..but hahaha, my lameass started tearing up when i walked out, and gabe, my sister, and korn were outside waiting for me and they were like, you did sooo gooooddd why are you sad! and i guess i'm just extremely hard on myself. it was really sweet, though, because they all really made me feel better with mad hugs and encouraging words. me and gabe hung out the whole time i was there, and it was just really awesome. he is such a cool kid

after that, i went to see Made Of Honor with my mom, korn, and dave, and it was really good. Patrick Dempsey makes me weak in the knees. it was just a sweet movie. tomorrow i might see a movie with gabe, but i don't really like anything else that's out right now, and i'm saving my money for my prom dress, so i don't really want to go to the mall.

me and justin are dunions and i wouldn't go to prom with him if somebody paid me, so i guess my ass is going alone. friggen like 4 people told me to ask gabe but i think that'd be awkward turtle to the maximum..at least at this stage, haha. totally. prom is at a different place. i heard it's like, medieval themed, which sounds disgusting.

tonight, me korn and dave had a talent show, and i don't think i've ever laughed harder

christmas was cool. i got clothes and money and a new tv because my pink hello kitty ( RIP<3) broke. it's kind of annoying. everytime someone said merry christmas to me it was like, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! WHAT'D YOU GET???" it's like, shut the hell up. ugh. i sound like a total care bear right now but seriously christmas isn't about that. idk whatever. WHAAATTEEEVVERR. ugh i miss my dad so much. he called yesterday! and we talked for more than 2 minutes. i hate it. it's so awkward talking to my dad on the phone. it's always like, "hi i miss you how are you i hope you feel better yeah my grades are good okay yeah wanna talk to dave? here she is. i love you merry christmas bye!" and that's it. idk, whatever. i feel bad for complaining because this time of year must be so hard for tom. i hope he's alright. but i know he was doing quite alright because he sent me pictures of food he was eating and said it was so delicous hahaha making me jealous. ughh it looked so good. i wish my mom and sister liked italian food. mmm. new years should be cool. alex vanwormer wants me to go to her house for a party. i mean, it'd be cool but like. i don't really talk to anyone of her friends. she told me leo deluzizizizozoo like, has a crush on me, or something? leo's little brother is such a looker. dayum, haha. i like leo's flannel jacket. if i went to alex's, though, i'd just be staring at chris penta. what a cutie pie. or maybe i'll just stay home with korn and dave and drink ginger ale out of champagne glasses, like last year. haha.

today we did secret santa with my art class. i love my art class, i really do. everyone brought in food or drinks. haha eduardo and roberto brought in chicken and rice, which was very funny and it was pretty good. tom's mom made calzones which were absolutely delicious. SOO good. i said "wow, these are SOOO good..tell your mom i love them" and he just walked away. and he was standing right next to me. i was just like, are you kidding me? i'm saying something to compliment you and i was sincerely being genuine about saying that, and he just did not say anything and i KNEW he heard me. i knew it. idk, it just hurt. i told dave what i just typed afterschool while sitting in the library and like, my voice cracked. and then my eyes started to water. i didn't cry or no tears came down or nothing but it was soo hard to try to prevent it from happening. whatever, what can i do. shit like that just happens to me..too often. but in general, the art party was awesssommee. i took a picture with yosuke and his money sign gold chain that he got from his secret santa. i got this incredibly cute mug and hot chocolate mix on the side thing with marshmallows and stuff from carlton. if you're reading this, i loved it. the mug is sooo gosh darn cute, it's a snow man! and the snow man is chubby! i love chubby little kids and animated figures..like chubby polar bears or something. sigh, so cute. i just want to hug them. haha watch i start hugging my mug....hahaha. tim just called. ahhh i haven't heard his voice in forever. but i'm writing something online so i told him i'll call him in a bit, which i will. this friday is the holiday like choir band orchesta thingy assembly. i always love those assemblies, they're soo much fun even though everyone claims that they're "so lame". pshh, those are the kids that like it the most, i bet! this vacation i have some goals:

-finish my research paper book
-see tim, even if it's for less than 5 minutes
-have a good time at lily's on saturday
-making my mom have a great birthday on the 21st
-hang out with olivia because i miss that son of a gun
-grow 6 inches
-give molica a great time because she's visiting from colorado!
-go to the movies with michael guerrino corey
-not cry on christmas day because my dad won't be there
-lose 10 pounds before winterball (shaaddupp i'm gonna do it)
-cook dinner. HAHA i lied i'll poison the Sarin's


ouu, anatomy class is sppooookkaayy

so, i bought my winterball ticket. i'm going alone..woo hoo. that's so sad, to go alone. because it's not like i'm going there with lily or anything. i don't talk to lindsay st. jean enough to go with her, spiker and i don't talk that much either, and she's so caught up with her "dead boys" so i understand, caitlin's not going, and emma has a boyfriend. so like, i'll be walking behind my sister dana and korn. haha, i hope it won't suck. winterball freshman year was good and bad. the good: i was tim's date, obviously. he looked so goddamn cute. the bad: i could barely be with him that night unless i snuck away. this year, i don't know. whatever. i know i'll have on some hot pumps.

me and tom still aren't talking. oh well, haha. his loss, not mine. today's steven's birthday, i love that son of a gun. he's such a good kid who's absolutely HILARIOUS. two days ago was sal's birthday. i have him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, he looked so cute in his shirt and tie. he'll always be such a good friend, and i bet next year we'll get close again when i have more freedom. next year is going to be the year, i know it. this year has been okay. it's just me finding who i am and who my real friends are. and i realized this year over any other that my family really does come first. my dad was sick, my mom was stressed, and me and my sister are closer than ever. but now, my dad is better, me and my mom hang out watching reality shows laughing so hard, and me and dave still are really tight, with fights every week, of course. haha, it's just normal.

i want to lose 10 pounds before winterball, which i will. if not i'll shoot myself. totally not forreal, i'd just feel as if i want to. i'm going to go on a clementine diet. with random meals here and there. it's gonna be totally awesome, because citrus fruits expholiate people's skin to make them really nice and stuff. christmas is coming up, i'm excited but then again i'm not..i don't know. my mom thinks that i expect so many gifts and stuff so she gets all stressed out. honestly i don't care at all, i already got this sick camera for my birthday, and that's all i wanted. maybe some more polaroid film but that's all i really want/need.

i'm happy, i am. i laugh and smile all the time. but then randomly someone tells me that i look really sad, or they ask me if i'm alright. i'm i smile and i'm just like, "yeah, of course! why?" and they always just shrug and say, "idk, it just seems like you're really sad or something." i really don't get it. whatever. i'm happy, but i'm really lonely sometimes. my b in math went to a D+. what the hell? I'M IN BASIC MATH. hahahaha. i really don't get it. my grades are slipping and i thought i was ontop of things. everytime i think something is going great, it just totally backfires into the opposite direction. hahaha. life is kinda weird sometimes, oh well.


i want it to snow even more